courage

"In order to achieve anything, you must be brave enough to fail" - Kirk Douglas

Pondering how this applies to me now. brave enough to stay at my job or brave enough to leave it?

brave enough to name gratitudes in the midst of depression, frustration and guilt? does that even make sense?

i am grateful for our babysitter who gave me time with my husband this weekend.
grateful for the bay, always serene
for hope and breaks and crochet
my kids, my husband, my nieces and nephews

i have to remember that it's easy to list gratefuls on a good day. it works the best to list them on difficult days.

damned depression

Depression has been my nemesis for many years. Medication seems to be the only relief for me but sometimes those stop working. I constantly tell clients to be patient, work with doctors, be your own best advocate...what's my impulse when meds stop working, though? stop taking them. believe maybe no meds will work and wouldn't i rather be med-free? if only that worked! :) luckily this change in thinking only lasted about a week. I took my meds and already feel some relief. damn it. so my grateful today is meds. i hate to need them but thank god for them.

long time...

i lost my momentum. gratitude should not seem a chore. here goes!

lyra - such a reminder of the girl i used to be. i love her and my girl so much
leo - a mirror of his father's gentle spirit and his grandfather's intellect. he makes me laugh
sawyer- can a person be born funny? this silly kiddo sure was. he also mirrors his mother some with those moods and sensitivity.
eric - he is the man. he never stops, never gives up. my inspiration, my heart, my husband

i could say many more things and i will in future posts but those are the closest to my heart and give me reason for gratitude every breath they take.

summer days drifting away...

"best vacation ever!" cried my 2 oldest. that sums it up. i'll get right to the gratefuls today because there are so many!

• My family:

 Lyra, Leo, Sawyer, & Eric (not pictured)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

•  dramamine = me and Leo riding the Shivering Timbers roller coaster at Michigan's Adventure!

•  Children's Museum

•  dvd players in the car
• my grandma came to see us! check her out! she's 78! can i please look that good even at 68?

 Danielle and Joe came and actually spent time talking and hanging with me and my clan.

• (Danielle's making me an aunt again!!!!)
• My father (and step mom, Lynne) came to visit, too!

•  sunny days throughout the vacation
• Blue moon

S'mores

the one beautiful spot in Rapid City :)

sooo many memories to cherish xoxo

flowers convey so much...

flowers for no reason have to be the best surprise ever. thanks for making my grateful list so easy, my love!

no time like the present

so, i am rushing to get out of work and head home. my thought was - i'm in a rush and don't have time to blog. but that's a cop out and i'm trying to stop doing that. so brief but meaningful is the message today. still working on that assertivenes business. it came up in group tonight and a client stated that she didn't want to be "bitchy." bitchy to share her opinion, her feelings, her fears? these ladies have addiction biting at their heels but are risking relapse in order not to make another feel uncomfortable? i think this assertiveness thing is bigger than i imagined.

anyhoo...

so grateful...

• that my husband has decided not to work saturdays anymore!
• farmers' market
• braids make my hair wavy
• beach sundays
• job prospects
• my children bring so much joy to my world
• getting through less-than-joyous days
• hope

speak up!

one of the messages i give again and again is the importance of being assertive. so many of us have the tendency to hide our emotions because we fear them. we fear that they are unimportant, wrong, or that they might anger others. I try to help clients understand and believe that they are important and worthy of respect, happiness, and love. We work together on how to express themselves appropriately but assertively. So, why is it when I feel affronted, my impulse is to shut down, shy away, and pretend nothing is wrong. What an eye-opener. I practiced, somewhat messily, my own advice yesterday and i'm  not sure it helped much. however, i will say that i didn't regret the words after they were out. i stand behind them. i just have to be prepared for whatever reaction might follow. how old am i? sheesh.

ever grateful, though -

• my husband's unending love to me and our children
• my cozy bed
• big brother is on tonight
• my work day allows me some alone time in the morning
• temperatures are comfortable
• books on tape (cd, actually)
• the education my clients offer me each day

roller coaster ride...

When I was 18 years old, my uncle told me that the years would begin to fly by and before i knew it, I'd be his age. I'm not there, yet but that was nearly 20 years ago but feels like last week. He has since passed along with countless moments. When I close my eyes, I feel that roller coaster depicted at the end of "Parenthood." Some days, it makes me dizzy, others I'm terrified. Today, I think I'll close my eyes and let go...

My gratefuls:

• my son who says "i love your heart"
• my husband
• my daughter who laughs with her whole body
• my son with the wisdom of an old man
• windy summer days
• cherry season

"Beautiful for you, momma"

Summer in Traverse City is the most beautiful thing I've experienced (just ask National Geographic http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/best-trips-summer-2012/#/traverse-michigan-summer-trips_52799_600x450.jpg). Beginning each day with meditation, crocheting or listening to an audio book at the beach has definitely been a highlight of my job change. But I continue to look for another job. For obvious reasons - more money, benefits. But part of me questions my other motives...am I ever satisfied? Can we take goal setting and advancement too far? Or am I really compelled to leave this job because I'm done and ready to try something else? Hm..for today, I choose to be grateful to have the job at all.

 Other gratitudes:

• My 3-year-old son always shows me flowers or jewelry and says "beautiful for you, momma!"
• Crochet
• clients who no-show (is that terrible?)
• ice-cold water
• mini date with the hubs yesterday
• Pandora radio
• film fest tonight!

never too late to be thankful

It's already Thursday and I haven't listed any gratefuls. Eek...

• the beach
• Tuesday with my kiddos
• Eric's heart
• pinterest
• rain
• cool summer evenings
• Leo's wit
• Lyra's sweetness
• Sawyer's lovey-dovey-ness
• birthdays to bring family together
• TCFF next week!! http://www.traversecityfilmfest.org/

loving life because...

lunch outside with my husband
snuggles with my Soy boy
Tori Amos
Friday
Traverse City beauty
book club

rainy day gratitude

Some days are harder than others to find gratitude. As a therapist, I suggest to my clients that it's on those days that it's most important to find gratefuls. So, I'm gonna swallow a heaping spoonful of my own medicine.

Gratefuls:
I have a job that is fulfilling most days
My husband loves me unconditionally
orange sunglasses left in my office make me smile
opportunities in unlikely places
friends with insanity like mine
rain keeps tourists away from the bay so i can meditate alone

Hot summer Sunday

can't figure out how to turn the image on blogger...

AIRCONDITIONING
Pinterest craft ideas
Time with my amazing daughter, Lyra
Big Brother
Sue Miller
Ibuprofen
Louis C.K.
Pillow top
Movie night with my hubs

GRATITUDE...

4 years since my last post?! I don't even know how that's possible. I've made a new commitment to myself to keep a gratitude journal. Perhaps I will attempt to post more interesting things at times but at minimum, I will note my gratefuls for the day. The purpose is to stay mindful and present rather than future trip or dwell in the past. For every negative thing in my life, there are probably 100 positives and my perspective will dictate how moody I am. :)

1. my husband took all 3 kids to their destinations today - that is my number 1 stressor, most days so goddess bless him
2. Stephen King's Duma Key is amazing
3. maintenance Mike installed a keyboard tray to help save my wrists
4. air conditioned office
5. peers to vent my frustrations to when groups go awry
6. Sawyer got his cast off yesterday!!
7. no groups to run today
8. sunny outside

the 2nd born

I had an interesting revelation a couple of weeks ago. I'm not proud to admit this but it's just the way it happened. I changed my schedule to work 3.5 days/week instead of 5. Since I am working for free at this internship and paying for Leo to go to daycare, we decided to save the money in daycare expenses. Anyway, this leaves Leo and I with 1.5 days to hang out-just us. My revelation? I've never really hung out with just Leo. I mean, we have had the occasional outings where I knew he'd enjoy going, etc., but to just be us? It's always been Leo AND Lyra. He's never really had to play alone or be with just Mom! :) It was a strange feeling for both of us, I think, to figure out how to just BE together. I knew that extending my internship a bit would benefit us financially but I never saw THIS benefit coming. I am so happy to have Leo & Mom days every week. It's such a great reminder to slow down and not take my family for granted. I love my little man.

I made it

As one can infer from my blogspot title, I am not the happy, sappy sahm-type. I wish I could look at each moment with my kids as a gift to treasure, but I think we go for quality instead of quantity, otherwise it's not so quality :) I'm exagerating a bit but anyhoo...Eric went out of town Sunday afternoon for training and returns tonight (Friday). Now, this is not such a long period of time, I am aware. I think of my friend, Andie, who goes for months without her husband when he is deployed, or even my sister-in-law whose husband is often gone during the week for work. However, as previously mentioned, I am not one of those super moms. So, this was the longest I've been as the sole parent day-in/day-out without school or work to save me. Do I sound like the worst mom ever? Nah, just more honest than most. I was afraid I'd get stuck in my depression or the tv (which happened at times) but for the most part I'd say we had a pretty enjoyable week.

Monday:





Tuesday
lazy day & I cheated - went to my book group for a couple of hours

Wednesday
with friends


Thursday
25 cent show




Friday
Rainy day so...
pork chops for when Eric gets home



And the whole time we've also been working on

lol. he's almost 3 1/2 and would never be potty trained if it were up to him. We've had some accidents but also some successes so I'm pretty happy and proud of my little man.

summer birthdays

We recently got to visit my sister and her son who turned 4! Time goes by so quickly - never thought I'd be one to say that but it's so true! Here are some fun pictures from Dylan's party!

the birthday boy, himself

my lovely niece, ava, who is related on eric's side but still was included in the festivities cause my sister is sweet like that

my silly boy, leo, loved the water gun fights

and lyra, getting tickled by dad - i love those real laughing shots!

peace day in michigan

After my friend Tammy posted about PEACE DAY, my minister asked if I'd be interested in organizing this. It felt like a sign so I'm hoping to be downstate for this event Sept. 21. If anyone up in my area would be interested, Unity church of TC is organizing it (or I am in conjunction with Unity) and for any of my downstate friends, I'd love to hook up there!

This is your opportunity to come together! Come together with no barriers. Come together as ONE on the U.N. International Day of Peace, September 21, 2008. We invite everyone to join together to focus their thoughts, prayers and awareness on creating a world of peace. We can put aside any differences of religion, politics, ethnicity, culture, race, income, education, age, citizenship, or anything that prevents us from experiencing the awareness that at the deepest level, we are the same.

The mission of ONE PEACE is to inspire and motivate people to come together as ONE human family to generate inner peace and create a boundless world landscape of compassion, hope, love and PEACE

The ONE PEACE planning committee invites you to bring your friends, neighbors and family to fill the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Eastern Michigan Convocation Center (Basketball Stadium) and experience peace for an afternoon. The suggested attire is logo-free white clothing. There will be no agenda other than showing humanity can come together for the cause of peace.

We will be lead by Gandhi Peace Prize winner and founder of Sarvodaya, Dr. A.T. Ariyaratne from Sri Lanka. Dr. Ari, as he is affectionately called, has worked for fifty years for the "awakening of all". He emphasizes practicing loving kindness, compassion, service and equality. In his words, "we are one human society, …we are all members of one living world." His message is very important for all of us.

Michael Bernard Beckwith and his wife Rickie Byars Beckwith will be joining Dr. Ari. Michael Beckwith is the founder of the 8,000 member Agape International Spiritual Center in Culver City, California. He is the co-founder and president of the Alliance for Global New Thought and is best known for his dynamic appearances on the Oprah Show and in the film "The Secret". Rickie Byars Beckwith composes, arranges and directs the 200 voice Agape International Choir. She composes and performs moving melodic music "to inspire deep feeling in the heart and to bring joy to the Earth." Together they have taken their message of peace around the world.

Our area is a microcosm of our world. We have an opportunity to show the world that "peace is possible". Join us!

For details, go to www.OnePeace.us.

camping as a luxury?

I had this strange thought occur as I was sitting by our campfire - how would people from the 1800s view our camping trip? Wouldn't they laugh at us for thinking camping is a vacation? Or would they be angry because we don't realize how lucky we are to have floors, indoor plumbing, & electricity? I don't know. I love camping and we sure had fun but I sure was happy to sleep in my own bed when we got home. We are so lucky to have what we have. I will try to keep that in mind when I get overwhelmed by bills and clutter, etc.
Among other things, here is what I have to be oh so grateful for: