blue pills again

so, how is it that i am 18 years into school and i still get caught inside the anti-depressant loop? i know what depression looks like on others and on myself. i know that some people need meds and others probably do not. i need them. so...how is it that every year - give or take - i decide that i can do it without meds. i can go to a guru who knows pressure points or i can do behavioral modifications or i can take lots of baths...this makes me understand how much advocacy depressed people need. i AM educated and i still get lost in the disease, no wonder so many suffer the way they do.