end of Tolle vs anything, onto discussions not debate

For those of you I invited to read and comment on A New Earth, my project was short-lived. It turns out that rightwinged, open-minded me is not up to the task of debating :( It's too bad that the discussion will end here but it is wonderful for me to realize how closely my beliefs are to my heart. Who knew that former-atheist, then agnostic Courtney would turn out to be a believer in anything? I still am open to discussions from people who find truth in Tolle's work - I just don't want to debate. This is my resignation letter I posted on the site:


Andie, I need to apologize to you. I fear I have been judgmental in my very insistance that people keep an open mind. Irony is the best. Also, I've come to agree, to a certain degree, with the warning about reading blindly. Who am I to say that A New Earth will appeal to anyone's idea of peace, etc. The flip side for me is that reading your doctrine has put me in a state of sadness and anxiety. I know that sounds extreme to you since it gives you peace of mind and faith. I don't mean it offensively. I think it simply illustrates just how differently we view life. I am thankful that we both ultimately want love and peace for everyone so if we stay off this topic, we are great. Maybe down the road, I will revisit this with you. I do love a good debate but I've realized this is just too close to my soul to debate the subject. I want good things for all people but the truth is, educating readers isn't worth the negative energy i experience. i know you don't mean it negatively and i apologize for my part in handing you negativity, as well! i am happy for everyone who finds their spiritual self, however they get there. truly.

how i came to this decision was rather strange for me. i asked a friend her advice for what i was feeling which should have been a sign to me that i wasn't doing anyone any good, you know? that was my first red flag. anyway, today at church, we had a guest speaker talking about mastery. mastery of your life, etc. i wish i could remember the exact words he spoke that got me to open up the way i did. something about everything we need from God, we have inside already. it's just a matter of getting past the space that we've put between us and our spirit. he spoke about wasted time that is ultimately time detracted from God and my spirit. he asked us during meditation to think about something we needed to let go and i was filled with this feeling that i had judged you and others unfairly. tears welled up. he asked that we breathe out and let it go. then, he said to fill that space with something we desired for ourselves and i felt acceptance (for others and myself) is what i was missing. i couldn't stop crying. that has never happened to me before. i wasn't sad or mad, more like clear. this was my first experience of feeling god that close to me. as i read over this, it sounds awfully dramatic and not exactly related to this blog. i can't explain it, i just know that much of my experience today was about our discussions here.

i love you and your willingness to discuss just about anything with me. i am sad that we can't share our spirituality but i know in my heart that even though we arrive there differently, we do get there.