the 2nd born

I had an interesting revelation a couple of weeks ago. I'm not proud to admit this but it's just the way it happened. I changed my schedule to work 3.5 days/week instead of 5. Since I am working for free at this internship and paying for Leo to go to daycare, we decided to save the money in daycare expenses. Anyway, this leaves Leo and I with 1.5 days to hang out-just us. My revelation? I've never really hung out with just Leo. I mean, we have had the occasional outings where I knew he'd enjoy going, etc., but to just be us? It's always been Leo AND Lyra. He's never really had to play alone or be with just Mom! :) It was a strange feeling for both of us, I think, to figure out how to just BE together. I knew that extending my internship a bit would benefit us financially but I never saw THIS benefit coming. I am so happy to have Leo & Mom days every week. It's such a great reminder to slow down and not take my family for granted. I love my little man.

I made it

As one can infer from my blogspot title, I am not the happy, sappy sahm-type. I wish I could look at each moment with my kids as a gift to treasure, but I think we go for quality instead of quantity, otherwise it's not so quality :) I'm exagerating a bit but anyhoo...Eric went out of town Sunday afternoon for training and returns tonight (Friday). Now, this is not such a long period of time, I am aware. I think of my friend, Andie, who goes for months without her husband when he is deployed, or even my sister-in-law whose husband is often gone during the week for work. However, as previously mentioned, I am not one of those super moms. So, this was the longest I've been as the sole parent day-in/day-out without school or work to save me. Do I sound like the worst mom ever? Nah, just more honest than most. I was afraid I'd get stuck in my depression or the tv (which happened at times) but for the most part I'd say we had a pretty enjoyable week.

Monday:





Tuesday
lazy day & I cheated - went to my book group for a couple of hours

Wednesday
with friends


Thursday
25 cent show




Friday
Rainy day so...
pork chops for when Eric gets home



And the whole time we've also been working on

lol. he's almost 3 1/2 and would never be potty trained if it were up to him. We've had some accidents but also some successes so I'm pretty happy and proud of my little man.

summer birthdays

We recently got to visit my sister and her son who turned 4! Time goes by so quickly - never thought I'd be one to say that but it's so true! Here are some fun pictures from Dylan's party!

the birthday boy, himself

my lovely niece, ava, who is related on eric's side but still was included in the festivities cause my sister is sweet like that

my silly boy, leo, loved the water gun fights

and lyra, getting tickled by dad - i love those real laughing shots!

peace day in michigan

After my friend Tammy posted about PEACE DAY, my minister asked if I'd be interested in organizing this. It felt like a sign so I'm hoping to be downstate for this event Sept. 21. If anyone up in my area would be interested, Unity church of TC is organizing it (or I am in conjunction with Unity) and for any of my downstate friends, I'd love to hook up there!

This is your opportunity to come together! Come together with no barriers. Come together as ONE on the U.N. International Day of Peace, September 21, 2008. We invite everyone to join together to focus their thoughts, prayers and awareness on creating a world of peace. We can put aside any differences of religion, politics, ethnicity, culture, race, income, education, age, citizenship, or anything that prevents us from experiencing the awareness that at the deepest level, we are the same.

The mission of ONE PEACE is to inspire and motivate people to come together as ONE human family to generate inner peace and create a boundless world landscape of compassion, hope, love and PEACE

The ONE PEACE planning committee invites you to bring your friends, neighbors and family to fill the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Eastern Michigan Convocation Center (Basketball Stadium) and experience peace for an afternoon. The suggested attire is logo-free white clothing. There will be no agenda other than showing humanity can come together for the cause of peace.

We will be lead by Gandhi Peace Prize winner and founder of Sarvodaya, Dr. A.T. Ariyaratne from Sri Lanka. Dr. Ari, as he is affectionately called, has worked for fifty years for the "awakening of all". He emphasizes practicing loving kindness, compassion, service and equality. In his words, "we are one human society, …we are all members of one living world." His message is very important for all of us.

Michael Bernard Beckwith and his wife Rickie Byars Beckwith will be joining Dr. Ari. Michael Beckwith is the founder of the 8,000 member Agape International Spiritual Center in Culver City, California. He is the co-founder and president of the Alliance for Global New Thought and is best known for his dynamic appearances on the Oprah Show and in the film "The Secret". Rickie Byars Beckwith composes, arranges and directs the 200 voice Agape International Choir. She composes and performs moving melodic music "to inspire deep feeling in the heart and to bring joy to the Earth." Together they have taken their message of peace around the world.

Our area is a microcosm of our world. We have an opportunity to show the world that "peace is possible". Join us!

For details, go to www.OnePeace.us.

camping as a luxury?

I had this strange thought occur as I was sitting by our campfire - how would people from the 1800s view our camping trip? Wouldn't they laugh at us for thinking camping is a vacation? Or would they be angry because we don't realize how lucky we are to have floors, indoor plumbing, & electricity? I don't know. I love camping and we sure had fun but I sure was happy to sleep in my own bed when we got home. We are so lucky to have what we have. I will try to keep that in mind when I get overwhelmed by bills and clutter, etc.
Among other things, here is what I have to be oh so grateful for:

keeping cinema alive in traverse city

I know I keep posting about the film festival, etc. in Traverse City but I just can't express how happy I am to have good films where I live. Moving from Dallas to Detroit was hard enough because I only found 1 arthouse in Detroit as opposed to the 3 or more in Dallas (that I knew of). Then, we moved to Traverse City (considered the BIG city in northern Michigan- population under 20,000!). They had 2 movie theaters here, each with only 8 screens and very old so no comfy, rocking seats that I had become accustomed to :) Never an independent film...Then, the magnificent, wonderful Michigander, Michael Moore decided to bring good films up to Traverse City. YEA! Now, the restored State Theatre plays awesome movies. AND, he wants to keep old cinema alive and affordable so we were able to go see these fun kids' shows today for a whopping 75 cents (that's a quarter per person)!




AND next week, Lyra & I are super excited to go see

It's playing all week!!!

Thank you, Mr. Moore. You've brought my passion back to me.

i know nothing

What is truth? I have said that your truth doesn’t have to be my truth and what feels true to me may not be true for you. But then I think that the truth just IS and doesn’t need us to believe it in order to be true. Interesting contradiction. What I am learning is that as soon as I begin to feel comfortable with myself and what I believe, I have become complacent and judgmental because in some way, I think I have found the truth. That implies that I have some magical knowledge that isn’t known by all. I say I don’t judge but isn’t it judgment to say that it’s ok if you don’t understand or believe as I do? It is condescending, even if not consciously. And when I find myself judging another, I need to look inside instead of outside to figure out why. Arg. I feel these cycles of I know nothing, I learn, I know something, but really, I know nothing…

memorial weekend

one minivan full of:
a 5 year old girl
a 3 year old boy
a 38 year old man
a 33 year old woman
a 6 year old dog
a tent to house the above mentioned
2 child sleeping bags
4 pillows
2 queen sized blow up mattresses
2 comforters
4 blankets
a suitcase for all the clothes
a cooler filled with camping foods: marshmallows, chocolate, pickles, potato salad, macaroni salad, lemonade, tea, hot dogs, ice, beer, etc.
bags full of chips, plates, and other supplies
4 folding chairs and a folding side table
4 towels
i am sure i forgot many things...but this was all for ONE overnight camping adventure! is all the packing and unpacking really worth it?


...yep, i'd say it's worth it! :)

tree of life

Like religion, spirituality, education, etc., I tend to take what is meaningful to me and leave the rest. And so it goes with the tree of life. I love the phrase tree of life and the English major in me loves to analyze those words and images. What came about for me is pretty simple. Trees are full of symbolism. They are life, they produce life and sustenance. Like women, they are life givers, mothers. That resonates with me so I put the goddess in the tree to illustrate the feminine of my tree of life. She is next to Lyra & Leo because I gave birth to those lives. The tree has several branches that stem from the trunk but go in their own directions. The various parts of my life that add up to my whole self and aren’t defined alone or individually. I am not a mother only, or a wife only, etc. The leaves are red to humanize the tree – the blood of life. And more like some of the known descriptions of the tree of life, I am rooted in the earth but reach toward my spiritual self. So, that’s my tattoo. :)

This link gives brief descriptions of the tree of life in different cultures, religions, etc.
http://altreligion.about.com/library/weekly/aa102902a.htm

happy birthday to me!

Eric made my 33rd birthday so wonderful. Sometimes, I see these glimpses of that romance we had when we first met. I am a lucky lady!

He surprised me Saturday by taking me to dinner at this fabulous restaurant



When we got to the table, there was a red rose and a box with a ring from this gorgeous designer engraved to say: Eric loves Courtney
http://www.beckythatcherdesigns.com/vision/?PHPSESSID=90069a2d9d0dc8e6fb916b7512adcd96


After dinner, we got back in the van and there was a white rose with a card containing 2 tickets here:
http://www.oldtownplayhouse.com/

& perhaps the best part of the evening is that he arranged this overnight!

royal wedding

today i attended the royal wedding of princess liey (a stuffed lion) and prince honk honk (a stuffed dragon/dinosaur?)

boys vs girls

leo - boys pee and poop. girls only poop

me - girls pee, too.

leo - but girls don't have a penis

me - nope, they have vaginas.

leo - but when you get older you grow a penis and pee?

bleepin' cold!

oh, how i dread the common cold! this week of all weeks to get it, too! i started my internship yesterday (when this cold began); i had to cancel kindergarten round-up for lyra cause i couldn't stop sneezing (today). how do you swallow the guilt you feel when they look so disappointed?

tomorrow, i have to begin my weekly drive to grand rapids (5 hours round-trip) for my practicum where i begin counseling actual clients in front of a two-way mirror! arg. i hope my friend airborne can work this time!

what can i learn from this? i think sickness is a body's way of saying, "hey! pay attention to me! slow down and notice how you are feeling. enjoy the healthy times and take the sick times as an opportunity to be present in the moment."
illness is pretty adamant that you take notice of the present moment! :)

end of Tolle vs anything, onto discussions not debate

For those of you I invited to read and comment on A New Earth, my project was short-lived. It turns out that rightwinged, open-minded me is not up to the task of debating :( It's too bad that the discussion will end here but it is wonderful for me to realize how closely my beliefs are to my heart. Who knew that former-atheist, then agnostic Courtney would turn out to be a believer in anything? I still am open to discussions from people who find truth in Tolle's work - I just don't want to debate. This is my resignation letter I posted on the site:


Andie, I need to apologize to you. I fear I have been judgmental in my very insistance that people keep an open mind. Irony is the best. Also, I've come to agree, to a certain degree, with the warning about reading blindly. Who am I to say that A New Earth will appeal to anyone's idea of peace, etc. The flip side for me is that reading your doctrine has put me in a state of sadness and anxiety. I know that sounds extreme to you since it gives you peace of mind and faith. I don't mean it offensively. I think it simply illustrates just how differently we view life. I am thankful that we both ultimately want love and peace for everyone so if we stay off this topic, we are great. Maybe down the road, I will revisit this with you. I do love a good debate but I've realized this is just too close to my soul to debate the subject. I want good things for all people but the truth is, educating readers isn't worth the negative energy i experience. i know you don't mean it negatively and i apologize for my part in handing you negativity, as well! i am happy for everyone who finds their spiritual self, however they get there. truly.

how i came to this decision was rather strange for me. i asked a friend her advice for what i was feeling which should have been a sign to me that i wasn't doing anyone any good, you know? that was my first red flag. anyway, today at church, we had a guest speaker talking about mastery. mastery of your life, etc. i wish i could remember the exact words he spoke that got me to open up the way i did. something about everything we need from God, we have inside already. it's just a matter of getting past the space that we've put between us and our spirit. he spoke about wasted time that is ultimately time detracted from God and my spirit. he asked us during meditation to think about something we needed to let go and i was filled with this feeling that i had judged you and others unfairly. tears welled up. he asked that we breathe out and let it go. then, he said to fill that space with something we desired for ourselves and i felt acceptance (for others and myself) is what i was missing. i couldn't stop crying. that has never happened to me before. i wasn't sad or mad, more like clear. this was my first experience of feeling god that close to me. as i read over this, it sounds awfully dramatic and not exactly related to this blog. i can't explain it, i just know that much of my experience today was about our discussions here.

i love you and your willingness to discuss just about anything with me. i am sad that we can't share our spirituality but i know in my heart that even though we arrive there differently, we do get there.

migun massage

sheesh. i just wrote a blog and lost it, somehow. maybe it's a sign that i should let these images speak for themselves. i highly recommend you find a migun store near you. they let you buy unlimited massages for a month for only $30 and other great deals. our store even has movie nights, yoga, laughing seminars, etc. it's great and the massages feel sooo good. it realigns your spine. hope you get to enjoy!

labyrinth walk

my friend april is turning 30 soon and she invited me on a labyrinth walk at sunrise. i wasn't sure what that was but she's never steered me wrong and it is her birthday so i said i'd go. i found this online and am really excited to do this!

"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love."
Caroline Adams
We are all on the path... exactly where we need to be. The labyrinth is a model of that path.

A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.

A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. We can walk it. It is a metaphor for life's journey. It is a symbol that creates a sacred space and place and takes us out of our ego to "That Which Is Within."

Labyrinths and mazes have often been confused. When most people hear of a labyrinth they think of a maze. A labyrinth is not a maze. A maze is like a puzzle to be solved. It has twists, turns, and blind alleys. It is a left brain task that requires logical, sequential, analytical activity to find the correct path into the maze and out.

A labyrinth has only one path. It is unicursal. The way in is the way out. There are no blind alleys. The path leads you on a circuitous path to the center and out again.

A labyrinth is a right brain task. It involves intuition, creativity, and imagery. With a maze many choices must be made and an active mind is needed to solve the problem of finding the center. With a labyrinth there is only one choice to be made. The choice is to enter or not. A more passive, receptive mindset is needed. The choice is whether or not to walk a spiritual path.

At its most basic level the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are.

all you need is love

so good!

just a thought...

Something occurred to me today. Teachers have to take continuing education courses because times change, new ideas are introduced and old ways are improved, right? I don’t know about anyone else, but I am constantly trying to learn and understand more…about everything – child rearing, cooking, current events, psychology, and on and on…What’s different about religion or spirituality? Change and adaptations are necessary to live a contemporary life. Didn’t Jesus prove that by his teachings? He wasn’t born to start a new religion. He wanted to improve upon old ideas and beliefs (at least, that’s my interpretation of Jesus, etc.). I’m wondering why a new book would be considered a fad. Every idea was new once. Although, Tolle’s ideas are far from new (well, somewhat new to the West). I have no doubt that the popularity of this book will die down but that won’t mean that it didn’t offer something worthwhile.

I don’t know why I am taking this subject so personally. Tolle, himself, wouldn’t sweat it. I am not so enlightened. :) I think I will understand Andie’s arguments because she recognizes that it’s good for some. I just don’t like all the judgment when it’s such a peaceful book. It’s like the shy, tiny kid who loves everyone and wouldn’t hurt a bug, but he gets bullied simply because he is so small.

crash course in eckhartisms

Spiritual Quotes

Fear arises through identification with form, whether it be a material possession, a physical body, a social role, a self-image, a thought, or an emotion. It arises through unawareness of the formless inner dimension of consciousness or spirit, which is the essence of who you are. You are trapped in object consciousness, unaware of the dimension of inner space which alone is true freedom.

Thinking, or more precisely identification with thinking, gives rise to and maintains the ego, which, in our Western society in particular, is out of control. It believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy. Negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, envy, and jealousy, are products of the ego.

The insanity of the collective egoic mind, amplified by science and technology, is rapidly taking our species to the brink of disaster. Evolve or die: that is our only choice now.
Internal and external are ultimately one. When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and they affect the world.

Direct your attention inward. Have a look inside yourself. What kind of thoughts is your mind producing? What do you feel? Direct your attention into the body. Is there any tension? Once you detect that there is a low level of unease, the background static, see in what way you are avoiding, resisting, or denying life —by denying the Now.

What a liberation to realize that the "voice in my head" is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.

If you identify with a mental position, then if you are wrong, your mind-based sense of self is seriously threatened with annihilation. So you as the ego cannot afford to be wrong. To be wrong is to die. Wars have been fought over this, and countless relationships have broken down.
The secret of life is to "die before you die" -- and find that there is no death.

"How" is always more important that "what." See if you can give much more attention to the doing than to the result that you want to achieve through it.

eckhart tolle

i've been scanning the internet for an article that could articulate what i am feeling. i read an article bashing A New Earth pretty good. people seem to think that because oprah is rich, she must not mean well? i've never understood that. this article insinuates that tolle has no real education and is a quack. i started to feel anger because people tend to believe insinuations. but then, i became present, as tolle teaches. i'm not really mad. it's just unfortunate that so many judge without knowing...i began to think, who really cares where tolle comes from, or how much money he and oprah make, right? who cares if he is insane. if you get something out of his writings, let that be enough.

i was reminded of a story my mom told me about a friend. her friend donated a large amount of money to a church over a period of time. it turned out that the preacher was a crook and all that money was stolen by him...my mom was horrified for her friend. but her friend said her part was done. she did what she thought was right. that's all that she could do and being angry wouldn't change a damn thing...i heard that story about 15 years ago and it still sticks with me.

i don't know anything about scientology other than there's a large population where my father used to live in clearwater, fl. i didn't care much for tom cruise's comments about depression, etc. but i'm not fooled into believing that's all there is to his faith. and, why does oprah's connection to mr. cruise and others give any indication of the validity of A New Earth, anyway? it simply does not.

i was in a book club which read the davinci code. one of the members refused to read it because of her religious beliefs. i understood that it might offend her (if she forgot that it was meant as fiction), but how would she know for sure if she didn't read it? and wouldn't she make the most educated debate with knowledge of the book? i don't know. maybe that's apples and oranges.

in any case, i hope people read A New Earth and take from it what helps them. i simply don't believe that a person could read it with an open mind and not benefit. but maybe that's my judgment talking :)

peace and love,
courtney

711

lyra calls 711 the slurpy store cause that's the only reason we usually go there. so, yesterday eric was taking the kids out and passed by 711.

lyra says - dad, i want to go to the slurpy store.

eric says - you know lyra, it's really called 711

lyra says - why do they call it that?

eric says - i guess because it rhymes

lyra thinks about it for a minute and says: dad, 711 doesn't rhyme with slurpy store

blue pills again

so, how is it that i am 18 years into school and i still get caught inside the anti-depressant loop? i know what depression looks like on others and on myself. i know that some people need meds and others probably do not. i need them. so...how is it that every year - give or take - i decide that i can do it without meds. i can go to a guru who knows pressure points or i can do behavioral modifications or i can take lots of baths...this makes me understand how much advocacy depressed people need. i AM educated and i still get lost in the disease, no wonder so many suffer the way they do.